Issue #305: Avoiding the Happiness Trough
Good morning. It’s Saturday, February 17th.
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Stat of the Day
The number of stairs to climb the Eiffel Tower (check out Explore). Fortunately and unfortunately, you can only climb 674 today to the second floor - the rest are closed due for safety reasons. (Source)
Revisit
This week we explored both the science and feeling behind love.
Issue #303 - explore how love influences our brain and health, the role of testosterone in wellbeing, and strategies for enhancing life quality and relationships
Issue #304 - learn the science behind touch and sex in enhancing emotional bonds, boosting health, and improving longevity, with practical tips to integrate more affection and intimacy into your life
Click HERE to check out the entire Thrive25 archive.
Inspire
The Happiness Curve
I put the kids to bed washing their lunch boxes. I wake up making their lunches.
Then do a bunch of stuff in between and the process repeats itself, over and over.
Is this why so many people are “unhappy” in their 30’s and 40’s?
Happiness trends like a smile - we’re happy under 25 (although this is changing with increased anxiety and depression among teens and early 20’s these days), then life starts to get real.
Most of us are no longer living for ourselves - our responsibility extends to someone else, whether that’s a partner and/or kids. Life takes on a new meaning, but sometimes we assess our life with our old measures of success.
We can’t just do whatever we want - maybe we can’t travel on a whim, maybe we don’t see our friends as often, maybe we give up hobbies we love (like golf or surfing).
Some of the people I know in this age range say life can feel like a hamster wheel - it can be monotonous or out of control. How is it that such little time is devoted to what I want, and what I need?
Why are some people so freaking ok - even happy still - while going through this perpetual schedule, while others feel like it’s a complete slog and keep looking at the next milestone when hopefully things will get better?
Obviously we’re all so different - some people don’t have kids, others have 3 or 4. Some people have more than enough money, others are feeling strapped to go on vacation or buy organic at Whole Foods. Some people are wired for happiness, others not so much.
But I don’t think these things fully explain the variance of what separates those that go down deep into this trough of the happiness curve and those that don’t.
The Wrong KPI’s
All I could think about was my morning and evening.
My desperate attempt to get a great morning routine wasn’t happening with the kids and all I wanted was to get outside in the evening for a sunset walk with my wife. It’d been years since we could both be out of the house together after work.
So those became my measurements of the day - I was focused on what I couldn’t do. There I was - standing in front of the sink washing those lunch boxes, yet again. My mind fixated on that missed workout or how long it would take me to clean up the playroom that night.*
It’s still 100% essential to focus on our own health. That’s why we created Thrive25 because we need to put ourselves first to be the best version of ourselves.
But how I was looking at my day was all wrong.
People that avoid this happiness trough do two things really well:
Gratitude Mindset: they focus on what they got to do, not what they couldn’t
Fulfillment > Happiness: they focus on how they contributed, not what they received
I got to work from home and play with my kids after school. I got to cuddle up with them in bed and read them stories. I got to eat dinner with my wife (nearly every night now because we limit travel and work events to prioritize eating together as a family).
That doesn’t mean it’s easy. Life is hard right now.
For me - I think this trough is still somewhat true. I’ll still complain when the kids don’t listen or when we spend an entire day inside when I could be running on the beach. But those things seem much more trivial when you change your focus.
So how to do it - create the pause in life. Too often we REACT based on emotion and what our brain tells us. Instead, we need to take a beat and RESPOND in a way that we tell our brain what to do for us.
This pause is what unlocks our ability to direct our thoughts/feelings in a way to appreciate life, not complain about it. And if there is something really worth complaining about - then we’ve activated the cognitive part of our brain to help us solve the problem.
Finally - it’s great knowing that if we do things right - take care of our health, support our kids, work hard for our money - that there’s more happiness in the future. But don’t wait until then…because while we’re all focused on longevity, life is still just too damn short.
* SIDE NOTE: What is this magic power of a playroom - to be overflowing with toys and “stuff” just days after we donated 3-4 bags?
Thrive25 Partner Spotlight
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You’ll find these products all over Max and my houses - it’s the food you grew up on and love, just healthier.
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Think
Gratitude
Practicing gratitude is a great way to help shift your focus as well as increase the balance of pausing pause vs. reacting. In Issue #303, we mentioned 36 questions to ask your partner. How about looking inward and thinking about one of these prompts each night for the next week and writing in a journal:
Today, I’m grateful for…
An aspect of my health or body I’m thankful for…
One person who made my day better and how…
A lesson I learned today, no matter how small…
A piece of art, music, or literature that touched me recently…
An act of kindness I witnessed or received…
A memory that brought me happiness today…
Explore
Paris
Ahh, the City of Love. There’s no more romantic place on Earth!
Check out these six spots to share a kiss - including the Luxembourg Gardens, the Rue de L’Abreuvoir, and of course any bridge or park with the Eiffel Tower in the background.
This year will be especially interesting as the city hosts the 2024 Summer Olympic and Paralympic Games. In order to make their mark, Paris will be transforming some well-known monuments into sports and entertainment venues.
The grand gardens of the Château de Versailles will host equestrian events. The Grand Palais will stage fencing and taekwondo events under its vast glass dome. La Concorde will have break dancing, skateboarding and three-on-three basketball - huh, these are Olympic sports now?
And for the first time ever, the opening ceremony will not be in a stadium - but on the River Seine. Only in Paris!
“London is a riddle. Paris is an explanation.”
Brain Games
Pre-Algebra
This was a hit last week (Issue #302) - let’s make it a little harder. Instead of 4, there are now five variables - A, B, C, D, E - with five possible values - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. None of the variables can share the same number. Based on the following equations, what do the variables equal:
C + E = A + B
C + D = B + E
E ≠ 2
A ≠ 5
E ≠ 4
Don’t be afraid to use some pen and paper!
Credit: Brainzilla
**For answer, scroll to the bottom of the post
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Thanks for another great week!
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** Brain Games Answer **
Yellow are the values for the variables. A=1, B=4, etc.
Why?…
E must be odd: 1, 3, 5. Note: we know the most information about this variable
Rearrange the two equations, focusing on C*. (1) C = A + B - E and (2) C = B + E - D
Replace C in (1) with C in (2). B + E - D = A + B - E
Solving for A: A = 2E - D
If E must be odd, it can’t be 1 or 5 otherwise D would need to be the same value (that’s not allowed) to make the equation work, so E = 3
Now we know A = 6 - D. There are 3 valid combinations, where {A,D} = [Combination 1] {1,5}; [2] {2,4}; [3] {4,2}
A and D can’t both be 3 (remember, unique values for each variable), and A cannot be 5, so {5,1} doesn’t work
Let’s use some brute force logic with the available combinations on the updated equation C = A + B - E, or C = A + B - 3
Using combination [1], C = 1 + B - 3, or C = B - 2. The only values left for B if A = 1 and E = 3 are 2, 4, 5
B ≠ 5 because C ≠ 3 (E is already 3)
B ≠ 2 because 0 isn’t a valid value for any variable
For combination [1] to work, B = 4. This would work for all variables: A = 1, B = 4, C = 2, D = 5, E = 3. This might be our answer, but let’s confirm we got it right…
Using combination [2], we can quickly see that C = 2 + B - 3 (or C = B - 1) won’t work. If A = 2, D = 4, and E = 3, there are no consecutive values available. So this is invalid
Using combination [3], C = 4 + B - 3 (or C = B + 1). This is the same scenario as combination [2], there would be no consecutive values available. This is also invalid
That’s how we solved it - if you went about it a different way, let us know!
* We just went with C, it could have been B - just needed to be a variable in both equations that wasn’t E
Why Thrive25
We’re 40-something dads that felt our bodies and minds start to slow down and we’re not ready for that. We found too much information on every subject. So we started Thrive25 to transform what we’ve learned into something useful for the rest of us to spend just 3-5 min a day to optimize our health & longevity.
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